What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
