We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
