cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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