I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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