speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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