but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You made out with two different species that night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
