Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize