The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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