so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
