I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
