dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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