ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
