I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
