Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So vagazzling was a success
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