ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
