my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize