Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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