you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
