youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
