Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
