I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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