Buhtt sex?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
