I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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