Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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