The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
