I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
