It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
