what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize