I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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