I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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