So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My pussy is not your playground.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We need to get me chipped asap
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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