Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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