I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
