Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize