I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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