I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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