the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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