it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
