I wish you could order shots online.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
