i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
