YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
COCAINE IS GR8
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
