I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
