I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
