You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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