you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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