omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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