I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
