im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
