im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
