tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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