He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
