The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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