I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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