Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
