I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dear god my vagina.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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