Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
