I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
