I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
