Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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