yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
