You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize