Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
