Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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