There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
