You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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